Some of you may recall that, all the way back in 2017, we ended up having a year so jam-packed with excellent, ground-breaking action scenes that I felt compelled to do an extra special Top Ten list just to honor them properly.
There have, of course, been other great action movies to come around since then, but no year has ever been able to follow 2017 in terms of sheer quantity. That reminds a very special year as far as that is concerned.
HOWEVER. Upon revisiting 2022 in preparation for my latest Best Film and Best Score lists (coming soon!), it occured to me that there was enough material on hand to offer a unique variation on this theme.
You see, while the sheer volume of top-tier action may not have been as high as in 2017, a small sub-group of movies from the past year- cutting across genres, subject matter, and budget levels- served us some memorable sequences where some of the absolute worst examples humanity has to offer got their commupance in gloriously cathartic fashion. Since we remain stuck in the timeline where most of the worst people on Earth are still walking free and unencumbered with anything approaching shame or reproach, it was a relief to have the big screen give us at least a few moments of terrible assholes getting exactly what they deserve, right when they deserve it.
And so, let's take a few minutes to reflect with gratitude on the Top 7 Most Cathartic Action Scenes of 2023. Because life is hard and we deserve it.
7. Pinocchio- Right In Il Duce's Face
Okay okay, no, this is not an action scene, but stick with me. We're having fun here.
Del Toro's astoundingly creative re-telling of the classic tale- and yes, it was the ONLY Pinocchio film to come out this year, now that you mention is- goes hard as mofo in so many ways it would take us a while post to unpack them all. But if I had to pick one personal favorite thing, it's when Il Duce himself pops into frame, only to get the Führer's Face treatment from a mutant tree-boy.
All things considered, he takes it pretty well.
6. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever- Talokans wreck an entire CIA ops vessel
We all see movies on this channel, so we all know the deal when a secretive vessel filled with Americans, mostly ex-military, suddenly turns up. Baaaad shit, that's the deal.
But in a twist that cleverly establishes the threat that the Talokans present- not an easy feat in an extended cinematic universe that has already seen almost every bad guy power imaginable- before they can even START to think about all the sinful violations of nature their uncovered stash of vibranium would permit, strange voices come out of nowhere and just...ends them. No warning, no buildup, no sense that the primary POV characters here ever truly grasp what is going on. It's like an old-timey horror story about sea monsters sprung to life, and from that moment on, it is not possible to overestimate Namor.
5. The Batman- Batman goes apeshit on right-wing terrorists
I, too, wish that before January 6 had gotten really bad, Catwoman and I had been able to jump in with a load of high-tech gear and spend an hour beating the living pulp out of a bunch of chickenshit, wannabe terrorists seeking to murder duly elected public officials. We all do!
Sadly, I didn't get to do that. But at least Batman was able to get pretty close! There's a lot to love about the latest Pattinson romp, and I am very much going to return to this well multiple times before these lists are over. But for now, I pour one out to the thrill I fell seeing the glass dome over the tape-heads cave in and their body language revealing that they were just now realizing they'd hopped onto the wrong train.
4. Nope- Trespassing Motorist go WHEEEEE
I have had Nope bouncing around my head for months now and I still don't feel any closer to having a full grasp of the film in my head. It's that deep and complex.
There is, however, one moment during the absolute banger of a finale that requires no depth whatsoever to understand, because even a child could grasp how fucking funny it is; when the asshat TMZ-motorist, channeling his inner Jake Gyllenhaal, drives right smack into the invisible wall of the creature's anti....electrics....force-field....thing, and the result is just about what you's expect. I am slightly disappointed that Peele didn't punctuate the glorious shot that follows with the Goofy Yell. But only slightly, because I could at least let it play in my head.
3. The Woman King- Burn that Slave Compound to the Motherfucking Ground
Is it historically accurate? No, sadly, it is not. But there were few moments in 2022 as deeply and profoundly satisfying as seeing a host of top-of-the-line female warriors go absolutely nuts burning an entire slave complex to the ground in revenge for them daring to cross them and take one of their own. This movie was a capital C, capital E, Cinematic Experience from start to finish, and this climax was the proverbial icing with chocolate sauce on top.
2. Prey- In Which the Predator offers a Considered Critique of Colonialism
It is a must that any self-respecting Predator movie feature at least one group of non-main characters, in way over their heads and not truly knowing it, who exist merely to get their asses literally shaved off and handed to them by our favorite, insane-tech-wielding, alien seriel killers. And if you are going to set your movie in the Great Plains and feature Native American characters, who better to pick for this fine duty than a group of White trappers who see no difference between hunting bison and kidnapping/murdering other human beings. Wanna go one step beyond? Make 'em French.
Seriously though, this is part and parcel of why this movie is one of the year's best. Prey is so good at establishing the dynamics between Naru and her tribe and making you very aware of the dangers she faces, that when the literally-scene-chewing lead trapper and his gang of bison-murderers appears you suddenly find yourself in a middle section of the film where you can't fucking wait for the Predator to appear and sharpen his blades on French cuisine before the final showdown happens. And when he does appear, it does not disappoint. Ever bit of gear, every gadget we've come to know and love, all make an appearance and each is used multiple ways for some of the most creative kills this side of the John Wick franchise.
1. Avatar: The Way of Water- Who Whales the Whalers?
The crowning jewel of 2022. This was not just the year's most purely cathartic moment, this was, hands-down, the best action sequence of the year period. Masterfully crafted and paced, it includes every form of action imaginable- involving every creature, weapon, gadget, and body part available- and yet, it never loses sight of a single character or part of the battlefield for too long. THIS is Cameron at his absolute best, and the best showcase for why he is still one of the greatest filmmakers alive. I don't love everything he does or every decision he makes, but it's sequences like these that make the interminable waiting between his projects worth it, because when he finally deems something ready to be seen, it really is ready.
Now, I don't want to get into a pissing contest over which group of real-world supervillians are ACTUALLY „the worst,“ but...yeah, poachers are The Worst. Plus, Cameron goes the full, painful distance in establishing precisely how much suffering and trauma is needed to kill just a single tulkun (and is based partially on actual whaling practices), so when our boy's new best friend lunges out of the water and arcs over the ship at just the right moment....yeah, I may have shouted in pure, exhilerated joy in the middle of a crowded theater. The many minutes that followed were an extended sequence me of whispering and/our shouting, „Yes....YES....nice...NICE! Daddy LIKE!!!“
I doubted. I was convinced Avatar's time had come and gone and this film would flop, wouldn't be worth the wait, wouldn't be worth the hype or even good at all, wouldn't be able to top the genuinely revolutionary experience that watching the original was. And to be fair, the movie as a whole has its issues and is far from perfect. But this whole final climax? It's as perfect as it gets.
And now that we are good and positively motivated, let's all go out and make a billionaire cry. Because when a rich person feels sad, an angels gets their wings.
-Noah
No comments:
Post a Comment