**for previous chapters, please refer to the Table of Contents**
It
had been a week since the raid on Kuat. Rey sat, cross-legged,
immersed in the Force. The air around her was filled with an endless
variety of sounds, the chirps and squawks and cracks of the jungle.
This particular planet in the Talrezan system featured a number of
rocky plateaus that each played host to a thick jungle, growing over
and around the odd and twisting stone formations of the planet's
surface. As strange a sight as these half rock, half plant
landscapes were, they provided ample nooks and crannies to hide a
considerable number of starships from both physical view and from a
great many types of sensory equipment.
Because
of this, Talrezan Four had served effectively as a primary base for
the Rebellion in the months since the disaster at Crait. None other
than the legendary general Lando Calrissian himself had led them
there. Encountering them mid-flight from Crait's airspace, he'd
later explained that he'd heard the initial sending of their message
and had been in a nearby system, but that it was soon cut off by some
strange new jamming technique. He figured that most of those who had
heard the start of the message were simply too afraid, at that point,
to risk flying into what may have been a trap. When he himself flew
in, he soon realized that he stood alone against an entire fleet, and
had flown under the radar to the other side of the planet when he and
the Millenium Falcon were able to establish contact.
It
had been slow going ever since. Ship by ship, recruit by recruit,
the Rebellion had been able to piece back together something
resembling a fighting force, but it was still not nearly enough to
seriously challenge the First Order. With the new jamming system
apparently being used across the entire galaxy, they could not
coordinate with any other sympathetic systems, and had to rely on the
very occasional rogue transmission or direct personal rendezous to
carry out even the smallest of missions, from supply-gathering, to
recoinnasance, to attempted sabatoge like at Kuat. But it wasn't
enough. It all wasn't nearly enough.
All
this weighed on Rey as she sat on a small, exposed rock surface out
in the jungle, meditating. It weighed on her every minute of every
day, but it was especially pressing now, with her body sweaty and
sore from another morning of training. The dense, humid heat of the
place didn't help things either.
Her
"training grounds," such as they were, were set off a ways
from the main camp, set up on a prominent rise overlooking a valley
clear enough of vegetation to allow most of their main ships, the
Falcon included, to settle there. Using bits of the Jedi texts as
guides, she'd soon established a regular series of both physical
exercises and Force meditations to help her continue to hone her
abilities as best she should. As frustrated as she was with the
state of things, she had to continue on, somehow. She was the last
of the Jedi, and it was on her to forge a new way forward, alone.
Well,
not entirely alone.
I
see you're still dwelling on Kuat.
At
the sound of the voice, Rey turned her head. Luke Skywalker, her
late master, now a blue-tinged, translucent figure one with the
Force, stood on the other end of the clearning, observing her.
"Master
Skywalker," she responded. "....yes. I can't help
it. I can't help but feel that I failed. I sensed the danger far
too late, and we couldn't carry out our plan as a result. If I can't
even get a simple sabotage mission right, how am I to take on the
First Order? How am I to stop Ben?"
Luke
opened his mouth to respond, but Rey cut him off by continuing, "And
yes, I know, it is not proper of a Jedi to regret, or dwell on the
past, or whatever, but..." she cut off, unsure of how to
continue. Luke stood silently, waiting.
Finally,
she stood so as to keep her thoughts flowing; her body needed to
move, and she began pacing around the clearing.
"There's
just so much darkness. All around me. I think of all the horrors
that have happened...all the loss....how many people are willing to
accept something like the First Order....and I wonder what I can
possibly do to push back against...against all this...evil.
It's....it's all so much."
Luke
began to walk across the clearing towards her;
The
path of the Jedi is never an easy one, Rey. Especially in your case.
You carry the legacy of the Jedi in your person now. I had my
chance to rebuild the Order and failed. So believe me, I know what
regret is.
"And
what even is that legacy, then?" Rey snapped back at Luke, "You
keep saying things like that, but I can't even begin to imagine what
it means. If you failed- if Luke Skywalker failed- what hope do I
have? This endless cycle of Sith, Jedi, Sith, Jedi, on and on again.
If all light casts a shadow, then how can balance ever truly
happen?"
Luke
was silent for a moment before responding.
I
understand your anger. If I knew all the answers, I would still be
alive. My new Jedi order would have succeeded. So I can't tell you
what, exactly, you can or should do, Rey. All I can do is teach you
what I know. And remind you to open yourself to the Force. I
believe that, soon, when you least expect it, a door will open for
you.
Rey
opened her mouth to respond, to ask what in the hell sort of door she
could hope for, but the figure was already fading. She could
practically taste her annoyance in her mouth.
Kriffing
Force ghosts, she thought. Never come when you really want
them there, and leave when you still have questions. Glancing up
at the sun to note the advancing hour, she turned, grabbed her
lightsaber and satchel, and turned back towards the main camp.
Rose
and Finn sat under one of the small overcrops of rock on the edge of
the landing plateau, drinking caf and watching the tech crews on
shift go about their work. Since Kuat, Finn had been in another one
of his more somber, withdrawn moods. When he went very still, and
very quiet, not saying much of anything, you knew something was
really eating at him.
This,
at least, Rose had learned over the past few months. Finn had
clearly matured from the flight-happy, go-it-aloner she'd encountered
in the pod bay of the Raddus; it had meant worlds to her to
see him so proudly call himself rebel
scum while staring down Phasma. That was the moment her
heart had opened itself in a way she never expected, and she found
herself falling in love with Finn.
And
yet, he could still be so reserved, so unwilling, or reluctant, or
unable, to share much of himself. She could feel, deep down, that he
loved her too, even though he hadn't said it yet. As frustrating as
this had been for her, she knew that she had to be patient; after
all, he'd been kidnapped and brainwashed for nearly his whole life by
the First Order. She understood all too well that that sort of
trauma would need time- lots and lots of time- to heal; her dreams
were still, so often, filled with the memories of her dear sister.
So for now, she was willing to wait, and to just be what he needed
her to be right now. What else is love for?
Not
that she wasn't willing to prod him every so often- this, too, he
needed, as much as he needed patience.
"Alright,
what's up?"
"Hm?"
he almost shook his head a bit, coming out of his reverie. "What?
What's supposed to be up?"
She
rolled her eyes while laughing at the same time. She seemed to be
doing that a lot, lately.
"You,
dummy. I can tell when something's bothering you. C'mon, what is
it?"
"Mm....."
Finn stared off across the landing zone for a bit before,
"It's....kinda hard to explain. Like....after Cait, I felt,
well, more confident that I think I've ever been. Like I'd figured
it out. I'm part of the Rebellion, I'll help put things in the
galaxy right again. That's what I can do, and I'll do it. You
know?"
Rose
nodded, sipping at her caf. Finn continued.
"Before
that, I'd had so much fear, so much...uncertainty, just eating away
at me. That's one of the reasons I tried to, um," here he cast
his eyes to the ground briefly, "to run away, back then. But suddenly
that was gone, and it was like I could see a way for my life."
"But,
since Kuat, that weird feeling is back. I don't know how to describe
it, it's like some strange itch that I can't get at. I don't know if
it's good, or bad, or...I just don't know."
He
fell silent. Rose pondered this for a bit.
"I
think I get it," she finally said. "In the middle of a war
it's pretty easy to just focus on the next job. But what if we win?
What happens next? What do I do with my life after that? That's
what I've been starting to think about, in those times when I let
myself believe that we will, somehow, pull this off. About how to
live afterwards. The people I want in my life afterwards."
Finn
finally met her eyes then, and for a moment, they just looked at each
other, contemplating the same thought. Finn seemed to want to open
his mouth when a call came out from his sergeant across the way;
"FINN!
Get your butt over here man, drill time!"
Finn
glanced back at Rose, and smiled in a rather sheepish way, "Thanks,
Rose. See ya later."
"Later,"
She could only shake her head as she watched him jog over to the
drill grounds on the other side of the base. How in the galaxy was
she going to reach that boy?
Rose
then heard the sound of movement behind her and turned around to see
Rey emerging from the pathway back to base from her own training
spot, deeply breathing and covered in sweat. Rose hopped of the
ledge she'd been sitting on and trotted over.
"Hey,"
she said, catching up with Rey, "How'd it go today?"
Rey
stopped, and was silent for a minute before starting to walk again,
responding, "Frustrating. I spoke with Luke again."
Rose
was still not wholly able to wrap her mind around some of the
stranger things that the Force seemed to cause, like dead-and-gone
legends appearing like ghosts out of thin air, but she'd spoken with
Rey about this before, so she didn't feel the same level of awe she'd
felt the first time she'd heard of this.
"And?
Any more guidance from the Jedi master?"
"Nothing
he hasn't said before. Be open to the Force, trust in yourself, the
legacy of a thousand generations, blah blah blah. I've been opening
myself to the Force. I've been going through the texts, over and
over and over again. I train every day. And...nothing. No idea how
we can around this blasted jamming system, much less rebuild the
Rebellion afterwards. And even after all that, how do I build a
whole new Jedi order?"
She
stopped walking suddenly. Rose waited.
"Even
after all that's happened, I still feel like just a simple scavenger
girl. Like this is all just too big for me."
Rose
thought about this a moment. "Have you tried talking to Leia
about this?"
Rey
shook her head, "Not yet. She has way more important things to
worry about than me."
"That's
not true Rey, and you know it. Leia knows that you need succeed
every bit as much as the rest of us do. And she might be the one
person left in the entire galaxy who really understands what you're
struggling with."
Rose
moved in and placed a comforting hand on Rey's shoulder. "Talk
to her. Today. If anyone can help you out, she can."
She
stepped back to go, draining the last of her drink, "I gotta run
now. Poe wants help on a specs test he think might help us break the
jamming. Need to make sure he doesn't blow himself up."
Rey
had to laugh in spite of herself. A bit- just a bit- of the worries
surrounding her heart began to lighten up. "Alright. Thanks
Rose."
Rose
grinned one last time, then turned and jogged around the corner. Rey
didn't know how long she stood their, her grin slowly, fading, lost
in her thoughts. Then she too a deep breath, stretched her shoulders
back to loosen up her sore muscles, and decided to take Rose's
advice. But first, she desperately needed a shower, and a change of
clothes.
Rey
found Leia later that afternoon at her personal work desk near the
command consols. Approaching the general from the side, Rey was
struck by the lines of worry and care in her face that only seem to
have deepened in the past months. If she'd been fully honest to Rose
earlier, she would have admitted that another reason she felt too
nervous to talk to Leia until now was her awareness of the intensely
personal nature of Leia's burden. Rey was looking at someone who had
just lost her brother, whose own son had killed both her husband and
the Republic she'd literally spent her entire life trying to create
and defend. The loss of family and friends she had felt over the
years had to be an immensely painful burden, and the few times she
dared think on it, Rey felt that she couldn't justify adding to this
burden by so directly asking Leia for what, in effect, was help in
defeating her son and only remaining family member, Supreme Leader or
no.
But
Rose really was right about this, and Rey knew it. They'd all chosen
to be here. Leia could have given up or turned away or even embraced
the Dark Side any number of times throughout her life. But she
hadn't. She was still here, head bent over the papers on her desk,
deep in thought over her next move. If Leia Organa Solo could summon
that sort of strength, Rey knew she had no excuse.
Once
Rey had moved to about 2 meters shy of the desk, Leia slowly raised
her head to look at her. Suddenly, the cares that seemed like deep
gouges in stone in her face seemed to drop away, her smile radiating
warmth.
"Rey.
How you doing, kiddo?"
Rey
had to smile herself, "Mixed, I guess. Do....you have time to
talk?"
"For
you? Of course. Take a seat." she gestured to one of the
simple chairs scattered at other work stations around hers. Rey
selected one that looked at least marginally comfortable and sat
down.
"So.
What's on your mind?"
Rey
took a deep breath before responding, "A lot. I spoke with
Master Luke again, while I was training earlier."
She
thought she saw a flicker of emotion and loss in Leia's eyes, but her
voice held steady. "And?"
"And....I
finally asked the question thats really been eating at me this whole
time. We're here to stop the First Order. To make a new Republic.
And I'm the last Jedi, so it's on me to somehow recreate the Jedi
order. And I've been wracking my brains over it. Training.
Speaking with Luke. Meditating. Reading the Jedi texts. And I
can't think of anything. I don't know what the right way forward is
for me, or for the Jedi. Even if we beat the First Order, what do I
do after that? If even Luke Skywalker..."
She
hesitated before saying this next part, unsure if it would hurt or
offend Leia, but if she'd already said this much she might as well
finish it.
"...if
he....failed, how can I hope to succeed?"
She
felt a rush of gratitude when Leia smiled and seemed to really think
over it; she took it as a sign that Leia hadn't taken that last part
about her brother the wrong way.
"You
know, Rey, I was effectively born into this life. My father was a
Senator involved in the Rebellion who personally knew many of the old
Jedi, like Obi-Wan and Yoda, even my real father, Anakin. Politics, diplomacy,
military strategy. The fight between the Sith and the Jedi. The
roles that my husband, my brother, by son have all played. We were
all pulled right into old structures and conflicts we had no part in
starting, without ever having much of a choice. It's been my whole
life. And," here she leaned towards Rey, "that's fine by
me; I wouldn't choose another life for all the galaxy."
"But
you're different. You have no history, no connection with any of
this. You're not from some noble family on Coruscant or one of the
Core Systems. You're not like my father, or my brother, or even my
son. You're something new. And therefore, you have a freedom to
think of something genuinely new for the galaxy that the rest of us
aren't able to see. Luke knows that too, which is why he's insisting
on sticking around to help you out."
"But
that's just it," Rey responded, "if a whole universe is
open to me, how do I pick a way? I feel so afraid when I think about
making the wrong choice. But then Luke or the texts say that that
isn't the Jedi way, or that it leads to the dark side, and then I
start doubting myself all over again..."
Leia
pondered this for a moment, "Well, remember: the old Jedi are
gone. Luke is too. You define the Jedi order now, not a thousand
generations of dead warriors. Maybe you pick a path that the old
Jedi would never have taken, but that doesn't make it wrong. And if
one path doesn't work out, you try another. A lack of flexibility
was a big reason the old order could be fooled and manipulated by
Emperor Palpatine. Maybe a fresher, more pliable philosophy, open
to interpration and error and redemption, is exactly what the new
order needs."
As
Leia spoke, Rey began to feel even more of the cares that been
draining her emotional stamina loosen and retreat from the grips
they'd had in her head. A warmth, a deep appreciation for her and
for the other people that the Force had brought into her life, began
to fill her. For the first time before Kuat, she felt somewhat at
peace again.
Blinking
back tears that suddenly threatened to squeeze out of her eyes, Rey
looked back up at the general, "Thank you Leia. I think...I
really needed to hear that."
"Anytime,
kiddo. And one more thing you should never forget; it's ok to feel
fear, or to worry about doing the right thing. That isn't dark side
or light side, that's just being alive. As long as you don't let it overwhelm you; dwelling in fear, now that's a surefire way to lose
everything important to you."
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