Star Wars, Episodes I through IX: The Definitive Ranking

               Well, TROS is out, and I've finally had enough time to digest the many, mostly sad feelings I had about it. I wrote in my first review of TFA, way back when it came out, that I held many reservations about the capacity of a Disney-driven new trilogy to break new ground in the Star Wars universe, especially after it proved so eager to drop the old EU like a sack of hot potatoes. And in the end, while TFA still holds up fine and TLJ has a permament place among my all-time favorite movies, many of my concerns proved prescient. After Rian Johnson left the franchise (in my own words) "freer than it's ever been going forward," the Disney Lords just couldn't let a good thing be, and I, like most, found TROS unable to bear the very, very heavy loads placed upon it.

               The good thing, as always, is that Star Wars is so large, so inimitably vast, that the good always finds a way to separate itself from the bad and endure regardless. And now that we have three whole trilogies to contemplate and compare before us, spanning over four decades of cinematic history, it's time to take stock of all that has come before. Here is, for the sake of posterity, Noah Franc's official ranking of all nine of the official Star Wars movies.  Beware, spoilers abound!  

9- Episode II: Attack of the Clones

               Yep, it's still as bad as we all remember. As someone who ended up seeing this one a lot as a kid, there are many small things around the edges of the film that I will always have a soft spot for- Christopher Lee is never boring to watch- but there is simply no getting over the movie's severe writing and story issues, coupled with a suffering main cast that at no point looks like they are having fun with any of this. The prequel trilogy were the films that (unjustly!) soured me for a very long time on Natalie Portman- it took half a decade, plus Black Swan, to finally jolt me back to my senses- and this film's entire middle act represents the nadir of her performance and the terrible writing she was saddled with. Bad writing, bad acting, horribly aged effects, this is arguably the one main Star Wars film with almost no rewatch value.

               Except for Christopher Lee and Yoda going at it with lightsabers; I will always be there for that.

8- Episode I: The Phantom Menace

               Time and hindsight have allowed many of us to mellow out and realize that the first of the prequels was neither The Worst Thing In History, nor even the worst Star Wars movie. If nothing else, it has plenty of fun stuff in the production design, Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan is easily the most solid bit of casting in the entire prequel trilogy, and John Williams' score, though universally excellent in every Star Wars film, might just be at its best here.

               Buuuut it is still pretty bad, with a lot of terrible dialogue, uneven narrative structure, and poor casting that drags it all down pretty far into the gutter. Jar-Jar remains one of the strangest and most inexplicable creative choices in all of Lucas' career, although the toxic shit the actor was subjected to as a result is beyond excuse. It unfortunately sets a lot of the narrative stumbling blocks in place that would hamper the later film's ability to effectively tell the tragic story of Anakin Skywalker and his fall from grace.

               All that said, there is a fascinating alternate universe where just a few different choices in how this first film was structured would have made worlds of difference and may have even made the prequels pretty great. For a glimpse into what might have been, I highly recommend Belated Media's amazing series, What If The Star Wars Prequels Were Good?. I don't agree with every suggestion he makes, but the results he arrives at are pretty amazing, and would undoubtedly have made for far more challenging, memorable, and maybe even great films than the ones we ultimately got. They are absolutely worth your time.

7- Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

               Here, too, I can envision many scenarios where just a few better, more daring creative leaps could have made this last film far more palatable to me than it was. It is, certainly, far more competently made than the prequels from a purely technical standpoint, it has plenty of individually excellent scenes, and despite plenty of rough screenwriting, the chemistry between the leads still shines in a way that of the cast in the prequels never did, espeically where Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver are concerned.

               Alas, the story ultimately veered far too far into forbidden lands trying to appease the absolute worst corners of the Star Wars fandom. A nonensicle shoehorning-in of Palpatine into a narrative that at no point needed him is never explained or handled in a way that makes a lick of sense. Force powers, though always fuzzy enough to be fitted to your story as needed, are stretched to places they never should have gone. The pacing is relentless, refusing to let up even at places where letting us breath and sink into the world a bit more would have done us good.

               For me, though, the absolute greatest sin this film commits is one of cowardice, in giving in to the worst impulses of fandom in ways that drag down and ruin the potential Rian Johnson practicaly gifted Abrams on a silver platter. The backwards-bending reveal of Rey as a "Palpatine" is neither fulfilling for her character, nor does it make any sort of in-universe logic, and is the worst sort of instinct in fantasy worlds where everyone of consequence, even in an entire galaxy to play with, must still somehow be connected with each other. Oscar Isaac has become extremely clear that he saw Poe as bisexual, and that fear from the studio executives was what prevented that promise, yearned for by so many fans, from being fully utilized. The effort at clearly making all main characters straight while tossing another stupid cameo bone to the LGBTQ community by Disney is, at this point, frankly sickening.

               The worst example, in my book, is the in-film disappearance of Rose, who has only a handful of scenes and makes no major contribution to the plot whatsoever. After Kelly Marie Tran proved one of the most delightful parts of one of the best Star Wars films ever, and after her reward for such great work was to be harassed off social media by MAGA trolls, making her just as central to the final film should have been a no-brainer. Instead, like with that fucking Ghostbusters reboot, the studio opted to "listen to the fans" instead of taking a stand of consequence.

               What a damn shame.

6- Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

               Though it still has much of the same problems that laid its predecessors low, and features some of the dumbest moments in the entire prequels trilogy, ROTS still, somehow, manages to rise above itself. It is a mess on so many levels, but 'tis a gloriously campy mess. It is, by far, the best of the prequels, and still has plenty nostalgic rewatch value. This happened to be the first Star Wars movie I ever saw on the big screen, and it left a powerful impression on me, one that later awareness of the film's problems could never wholly dent. Lucas always had an ability, at his best, to provide images that can stick in the mind for a lifetime, and he recaptures just enough of that magic in the last Star Wars film he ever ended up making.

               Unlike the two other prequels, where the action beats usually ended up being dreary, CGI-laden messes, a lot of the fights in ROTS are coherent and thrilling enough to still be fun to watch, despite a lot of the effects being dated. While the lightsaber battle to end TPM is rightfully regarded as a classic, the lightsaber combat reaches a peak here that would not be matched until the magnificent throne room sequence in TLJ. For all the problems with Hayden Christensen's performance and the bad writing that plagued both his character and Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan (McGregor also hits his best moments in this movie), once the film has all the pieces in place for their climactic clash at the end, set in a brutal battlefield of lava and machines, the result is truly spectacular.

5- Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

               Though it is definitely the weakest of the original trilogy, and people's mileage regarding the Ewoks tends to vary widely, ROTJ is still a classic that holds up very well. The speeder chase and nearly everything in the final throne room sequence- not to mention the film's opening act in Jabba the Hutt's hellish lair- are some of the most iconic parts of the entire Star Wars canon, old and new. Though we had gotten glimpses of the Emperor in TESB, it was here where we finally met Ian McDiarmid in all his glory, and villains were never quite the same again.

               What really sets this film as the demarcation line between the really good Star Wars movies from the "just okay" or downright bad ones, though, is the core cast. A strong central cast with fun banter and tangible chemistry is, TROS notwithstanding, invariably part of any great Star Wars movie, and it is the biggest and clearest deficiency in the prequels compared to both the earlier and later trilogy. Personal favorite example of this; Carrie Fisher getting to pull a little role reversal on Han's famous "I know" line from the previous film, the sort of tiny detail that is easy to miss, but makes all the difference in making these performances truly iconic.

4- Episode VII: The Force Awakens

               The degree to which this film relies on rehashing of many of the same threats and plot threads of the original trilogy, while not nearly as egregious as TROS, still rankles me enough to keep me from considering this one to be truly great. That said, the energy and passion that the actors bring to their roles is undeniable. It is just too much fun to watch these people interact with each other, especially the ways that Rey bounces off Harrison Ford and Finn and Poe form a powerful friendship (that should have been more, but alas...). Kylo Ren makes his entry into the Star Wars universe, a character torn between destinies that Adam Driver never fails to play the hell out of, even when the writing in this and TROS leaves him a little short.

               One thing I especially appreciated about the newer trilogy was how its production design gave a sense of size and scale that the original trilogy didn't have the capacity to create. Shots of the ruins of Walkers, or Star Destroyers, or the wreckage of the Death Star have an immense hugeness to them that add a grandiosity to the world these characters inhabit. Rey's introductory sequence has a lot of this, a quiet, aesthetic embrace of the surroundings that, in the best Star Wars material, makes everything feel real and lived-in.

3- Episode IV: A New Hope

               Four decades on, and the magic that suffuses the first Star Wars movie, the one that changed everything, is still undeniable. Other films have since surpassed it; we've gotten better writing, better acting, better effects, and more thrilling images since then, and there are moments where the acting feels more stilted than it does later in the original trilogy, like the actors were still in the process of breaking in the roles that would go on to define their careers.

               And yet. And yet. That opening in medias res fight sequence in space, with the first-ever reveal of Darth Vader and our introduction to Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia. Luke staring into the double sunset. Obi-Wan's quiet description of the old, fallen world of the jedi. The cantina. The Falcon. The entire escape effort to save Leia, ending with the first-ever lightsaber fight in history. That indelible final space battle around the Death Star. All immortal moments of cinematic magic that will endure for as long as movies endure.

               This movie is so filled with the sort of things that make movies wonderous acts of imagination that it's hard to even try counting them all. Other movies have been bigger, flashier, and in many ways, just plain better. But A New Hope is the giant on whose shoulders they built their empire, and nothing can ever take that away from it.

2- Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

               Honestly, picking between either this or the next one as the "best" film in the Star Wars is a matter of personal taste. It can go either way and I will not argue with anyone who would switch them. Ultimately, I gave nostalgia the edge here, so TLJ comes in at number #2.

               This is the sort of film with so many layers to its screenplay and how its plot is constructed that I can imagine revisiting it endlessly throughout my life, and always finding something new to pick up on and savor. Rey, Finn, and Poe each have strong beginning and end points within the film that both build on what we already knew about them from TFA, but also provide clear moments of growth and change for them all; Finn, finally deciding to not run and embracing the moniker "rebel scum," something he spent two full films denying; Poe, having had one trigger-happy idea after another bite him in the ass, finally realizing what Leia was trying to tell him the whole time and calling for a retreat; Rey, seeing how futile her notions about Kylo Ren being "saveable" were, turning away from him and flying off in the Falcon.

               And let's not forget Mark Hamill, who gives just about the greatest return performance that has even been given in a sunset role. Here, too, the movie jumps into real, meaty, metaphysical stuff about what Luke Skywalker has come to mean for both the people of the Star Wars universe and us as fans. Luke has fallen far, but still has enough grace and strength left to realize that, yes, we can place too many expectations on our heroes, but that there is still meaning in someone standing up as a symbol for something greater than themselves. Luke's final moments, as well as the film's final, stunning scene, will be with me for as long as I live.

1- Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

               For many, this was the film that made Star Wars truly great, that made due on the promising start of A New Hope and really set off imaginations across the globe. Everything all the other great Star Wars movies does, this one does better. It's effects and battle sequences hold up remarkably well, particularly a concluding lightsaber fight that, for my money, remains the most emotionally tense saber duel we've ever gotten on the big screen. The main cast is fully into their respective roles, we finally get a sense of the power and terror of the Emperor, Billy Dee Williams makes his entrance, and, of course, there will always be Yoda.

               Like LTJ, this remains either best or second-best because of how it feels the most like its own, special thing, not too beholden to what came before to strike out in ways that challenge the viewer. Both end on spectacular final shots, with much having been lost but the hopeful suggestion that things will go on and that good can still find a way, even in the face of endless adversity. No other Star Wars movie has ever hit on just that right balance, though I certainly hope it could, one day, happen again.

               Ultimately, as with all great storytelling worlds, even the worst of these films can never fully dim the unending supernova that is Star Wars. I love this universe so much and I would never give it up for the world. I am all for a good long break from the movies, but I know I can never stay away for too long. None of us can.

-Noah Franc